


Forbidden

by Katalyna_Rose



Series: Vhenan and Associated Stories (Lyna Lavellan) [29]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Deep Roads, F/M, Post-Break Up, The Descent DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 18:59:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katalyna_Rose/pseuds/Katalyna_Rose
Summary: A Dalish elf who has spent her entire life outside in the sun doesn't do well underground for extended periods of time, especially while also forced to spend this time with the man who broke her heart. Yet even though he left her and hurt her so deeply, her love and attraction for him have not waned. And neither, it seems, have his feelings for her. After what happened between them, any intimacy is forbidden. It cannot change what happened, only hurt them both all over again. But that doesn't seem to stop them.





	Forbidden

**Author's Note:**

> A few light spoilers for Vhenan, beware.

After nearly a month in the Deep Roads without sunlight or any food that didn’t consist mostly of bioluminescent mushrooms, Lyna was beginning to feel physically ill. She’d spent her entire life outdoors and all this time underground was torture. They had spent most of the trip in a constant state of uncertainty, no way to know how much further they were going or what they would find or how long it would be until they could head back up. The only comfort Lyna had was that they were finally going to return.

The Titan had been… magnificent. It was truly a marvel, beyond anything she could have ever imagined. The happiest she’d felt on this whole trip was when she was trying to figure out where the light came from in the Wellspring. It was gloriously close to sunlight, though it wasn’t quite as nourishing, and she had basked in it for as long as she could excuse herself to do so. She’d been uncertain about leaving Valta behind, but in the end she’d known better than to try to force the Shaper to do anything she didn’t want to.

They still had another week in the Deep Roads, and tempers were short. Even Cole seemed affected by it, unusually quiet and sullen. Varric’s jokes had become progressively angrier and more aggressive as the days wore on, until he was making crude and sarcastic remarks rather than jokes. Cassandra spent most of her time with her head in her hands as though she had a migraine, but no amount of healing magic seemed to help her. Lyna was feeling nauseous and her muscles ached in a strange way. And Solas… She had known that bringing him on such a long trip in close quarters would be awkward, but she hadn’t expected how tense things had become.

His skin was turning gray, looking less healthy every day, and he hadn’t so much as looked at her in days unless whatever skirmish they were fighting gave him no choice. At first, it had seemed that they would manage to remain civil to each other, even cordial, but as time wore on and they both began to feel worse the fragile civility they had maintained had crumbled. If they interacted at all, it was with terse words and biting insults. It was tearing Lyna apart, though Solas seemed infuriatingly unmoved. He had always been good at hiding his feelings from her, after all.

 

* * *

 

“This place is awful,” Solas grumbled, attempting to knock mud and what looked suspiciously like animal droppings off his boot.

“Oh, look, something we can agree on,” Lyna quipped from her position by the fire, stirring their pot of dinner. It was an unappealing gray color, but it would keep them nourished.

“If we may also agree not to argue this evening, I would appreciate it,” Solas said, his tone biting. He was scowling at his boots, refusing to look at her as usual.

“But it’s the closest thing to entertainment I can get down here!” Lyna cried mockingly.

“And it is driving me insane,” Cassandra groaned, rubbing her temples.

“Because you weren’t already, Seeker?” Varric quipped. Cassandra made a disgusted noise. Cole fidgeted at the edge of the firelight and Lyna sighed. As much as she wanted to really lay into Solas, she knew she was making this that much more difficult for the others. She looked at Solas, contemplating her options. They should probably talk, try to figure out how to return to their previous façade of civility.

Once they had all choked down as much of the stew as they could manage, all of them desperate for some real food, Lyna screwed up her courage and approached Solas. “I’d like to talk to you in private for a moment,” she said softly. He sighed and didn’t look at her, then nodded and stood. She led him into a nearby side passage that she knew ended in a small cavern with no other ways in or out, not looking back to see if he followed. She stopped in the middle of the cavern and stayed facing away from him.

“We still have another week down here, Solas,” she said finally. “I’d rather we survived each other until we reach the surface, at least.”

“As would I,” he said softly, scant feet away though a vast distance lay between them. “Yet we cannot seem to stop sniping at each other.” Lyna sighed.

“It is not an easy thing to have you here like this,” she told him sadly.

“Then why did you ask me to come?” She barked a laugh.

“You are an exceptionally powerful mage and a truly gifted healer, as you well know,” she said. “I thought that both of those traits would be useful on this trip, and I was quite right.”

“I was surprised when you did not ask Dorian to accompany you, instead,” he said softly rather than rising to the bait that her caustic tone provided.

“Dorian is a dear friend, but he is no healer,” she reminded him, her tone slightly softer. “After the fight with the Guardian, can you honestly tell me that I made the wrong choice in bringing you?” She could picture in her mind, as clearly as if she saw it though her back was still turned to him, the way his lips would twist in a grimace as he remembered frantically healing Cole’s many crushed bones.

“No,” he said finally. “I cannot say that.”

“Vivienne is a better healer than Dorian, but she is still arranging Bastien’s affairs, and I didn’t want to take her from that for as long as I knew this trip would take,” she continued, wrapping her arms around herself. It was almost more difficult to be civil with him than to fight. It hurt more, made her nausea worse to the point that she worried about keeping her dinner down. “As uncomfortable as this is for us both, it was still the best option. Besides, can you honestly tell me that it wasn’t worth it to see the Titan? To learn all of this first hand rather than reading it in reports later? I thought you would have enjoyed collecting all this history and the memories here. Though the Fade is harder to access this far underground, there have been some truly interesting things to see, haven’t there?”

“Yes, there have been. You are right,” he said. Disgusted, she finally turned to him only to find his gaze locked on a nearby stalagmite.

“You could at least do me the honor of looking at my face,” she said, her temper snapping again. She marched a few steps closer, desperate for some form of acknowledgement. She saw his jaw clench before he finally raised his gaze to hers for the first time in almost two weeks.

“I expected you to stop asking me to accompany you after… what happened between us,” he admitted. She scowled.

“Why? I am not too proud to acknowledge your strengths and all the many ways in which you benefit the Inquisition,” she said.

“I would not have been surprised if you had retaliated, asked me to leave…” he told her, and her mouth dropped open.

“You could at least _pretend_ to acknowledge that I attempt to be a good person!” she shouted, what remained of her temper utterly lost. “You think I would cast you out for spurning me? Lock you in a Circle, perhaps? You think I am so without honor or compassion that I would do that to anyone? My own mother is a mage, Solas, and I would sooner _die_ than see her imprisoned for her magic! I would sooner die than see _you_ imprisoned for it! I would see Leliana become Divine in part because I know that she would abolish the Circles entirely, allow the mages to be treated like people by society, even welcome elves and dwarves and Qunari into the Chantry! She would treat the peoples of Thedas like _people_ and I would see that ideal come to fruition. Yet you stand there and accuse me of being no better than the Templars?”

“Do not put words into my mouth!” he cried, stepping forward aggressively. Some part of Lyna’s mind became aware of the fact that they were now within arm’s reach of each other, but it was quickly drowned out by her anger. “I said nothing of mages or of locking anyone away! I merely stated that I expected you to keep more of a distance.”

“If that is what you would prefer, you only have to say so,” Lyna ground out between her teeth. “I am not arrogant enough to believe that I could hold you if you wished to leave. That much has been made perfectly clear to me.”

“Has it?” Solas asked, fury lighting his features. They were only inches away from each other, both breathing heavily. “You are Inquisitor and I am but a humble hedge mage. Do you not have a hold?”

“I have never exerted power over you, Solas!” she reminded him. “I never wanted this position or title! I never wanted this power! I have done my best to use it wisely, but I have never used it against an individual and never for personal gain. You _know_ that!”

They were silent for a few heartbeats, glaring at each other from only inches away as tension built between them, heat and static making the fine hairs on Lyna’s arms stand up. And then he was kissing her, his mouth hot and desperate on hers, teeth biting her lips until they stung. His arms wrapped around her waist, yanking her against his body and holding her tight. Her arms, which she had initially raised to shove him away, ended up wound around his neck, her nails digging into his scalp and holding him to her, her tongue just as aggressive as his. It was a mistake, she knew it was, yet she couldn’t pull away. As Solas began to rock his hips against hers, grinding them together to make heat and arousal shoot into her core, she held him tighter and decided that she didn’t care. She needed this, needed him, and even though it would only last for a moment before he withdrew from her again she would take whatever she could get and embrace the pain that would inevitably follow. His hand tangled in her hair and held her head at a new angle to allow him to devour her, her lips stinging and sore, his tongue thrusting into her mouth as if he was fucking her, heat gathering between her legs as he rocked against her and the stiff heat of his cock pressed insistently into her belly, and she wanted nothing more than to make this last forever.

She whimpered slightly when he bit her lip again and it broke the spell between them. He flung himself away from her, both of them panting heavily and shaking. He turned away, but didn’t flee as she expected him to. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as though the pressure would keep her dinner where it belonged, but the nausea pressed insistently at her throat. Solas scrubbed his face, sighing deeply.

“I apologize,” he said, his voice hoarse and barely louder than a whisper. “That was… ill-considered. I should not have encouraged it.”

“ _You_ kissed _me_ ,” she reminded him. He was silent for a moment.

“Yes,” he acknowledged, surprising her. “I apologize.”

“It changes nothing, right?” she asked, feeling near tears, the exhaustion and strain of the past month, since he’d left her naked and alone, combining with this final taste of his passion to make her feel bereft, empty.

“It cannot change anything,” he murmured, desperation and something like agony in his tone. Then he left, leaving her behind yet again.

Only once she knew he could not hear her did she release the tight control she’d maintained over herself. Her dinner came back up violently, and she continued to heave even after there was nothing left for her body to expel. Cole found her while she was like this, bent over her own sick and sobbing. He pressed a damp cloth against her hot face and rubbed her back soothingly until she leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

“It changes everything,” he murmured.

“Then why?” she sobbed, clutching at him.

“Because you deserve better.”

“But I want _him_.”

“I know,” he told her softly. “But it can’t change his mind. He won’t let it. It is forbidden.”

“But I love him,” she whispered, barely giving the words voice, as afraid of them as she was incapable of denying them.

“Haunting, hurting, heaving in the dark. Taste of her lips and texture of her tongue, silken strands still caught on my fingers, too beautiful for words. Eyes that beg me to stay, want to lose myself in her and forget. Strong hands to cup my face, kiss away her tears and stay forever. He knows.”

But it was forbidden.

**Author's Note:**

> With my timeline not strictly following canon, I figure these events take place approximately two to three weeks before the final battle, placing Lyna at Definitely Pregnant and still oblivious as to what her symptoms actually mean. She was almost exactly two months pregnant when she fought Corypheus, so that tells you how long it's been since the Crestwood scene.
> 
> I just replayed The Descent with my post-break up Lyna and brought Solas along because I prefer his stats and always travel with a mage. I got an idea for a forbidden moment of intimacy during an argument and then this happened.
> 
> No regerts.


End file.
